there's nothing like the sun to turn it around (and laughter)

so it has been awhile since my last post...(feel like a confession coming along, anyone got some absolution?)

not much going on in one sense but so much behind the scenes. I am struggling into the 3rd month of not working. which is very difficult as a single mother who works from home as a consultant. Each month is a shuffle of bills and deadlines and scratching out enough for rent and food. hoping i do not have any utilities disconnected (i did lose the internet for a few days and almost went mad...but the good people at Rogers worked out a deal with me so i could be online for small work contracts and the like). I had a moment of panic with the phone but managed to negotiate a new contract with them that will bring the cost from just over $100 to less than $40 a month and included a new phone which i sadly needed as my old one was in a sorry state. the need for a phone drives me a little crazy as it is my least favourite way of communicating, alas with my son's needs, i have to be on call with his school at all times. thank you to friends who have loaned me bits and for the support of a listening ear.

my brother is staying with me and the boys now also. he was facing life living in his truck in kelowna because he could not find affordable housing working part time while he waited to be called back to his job. so he is here. i wasn't sure how that would go but in reality it has been good to see him and the boys have loved the opportunity to get to know their uncle (we have only seen him 2 or 3 times since Aiden was born almost 10 years ago).

other news my sister who has lived up north forever is moving to Vancouver with her family. this will be weird. for a person (me) and family (there are 5 siblings in total, 3 mothers between us and one dad) that has not kept in touch, how strange to have 3 of us in the same viscinity. its funny to me a bit that i have lived here this time since 2001 but plan to leave asap and now a bunch of long lost siblings show up. life is full of irony.

the boys are doing pretty good these days. seems all the hard work with my older son is paying off. keep my fingers crossed that there will be no more suspensions, ect.

for all that i haven't been working, i have had a few small contracts. I attended the Growing Home: Housing and Homelessness Conference in Calgary last month that was a incredible. To meet so many other activists, researchers, frontline workers, advocates, outreach workers, social workers, academics, gov't officials--all of them working strong in the field to end homelessness. My paper was well received and although it was difficult to be in a city where i had been homeless twice as a teenager, i am so glad i went. While there i also was able to spend some time with an old friend of mine from Halifax and one of my favourite friends who has transplanted from BC to Calgary. I managed to sneak in a short lunch with my father at the end of my stay and even that went well. wonders never cease.

Life this past week or so has been interesting. Although i am quietly freaking out about the financial situation, i have been reaching some places of calm inside about other issues/ lifegoals, ect.

I had the pleasure of lecturing at SFU on disability and feminist theory and how these translate into practice in employment and activism. it was awesome. thank you Tasha for inviting me. and even more, it was awesome to hang out, have lunch and catch up after.

further, I met Freida, who works for the SFU radio and has invited me to come in and speak on one of their shows. more on that later.

on other life thoughts, i am coming to a decision about some journalling i did when i was going through the ptsd clinic and the time i spent in the hospital. there are a few friends who followed this journally (some of it) but for the most part, that experience has remained removed from the rest of my world. i have been thinking what i can do with that writing. ptsd is such a disturbing experience, when one is living it and not seeing a way out, and not knowing what is normal any longer...i am thinking of turning my own ride with ptsd into something useful (although i am still a little fearful of what that would look like). there is a public perception about ptsd and war survivors, but there is not nearly as much awareness of ptsd that results from other trauma--childhood abuse, domestic violence, accidents, death and loss--the mind and heart are very vulnerable organs.

over the past couple weeks, I have had the pleasure of getting to know a new friend who comes from "back home" and oddly we know many of the same people and of course all the old landmarks. this weekend we hung out for a couple days including attending the Kevin Smith Q & A (seriously i laughed so hard i didn't know if i could walk after and i had a bit of a headache). if i remember i will write about the Q& A at some point. new friend and i hung out saturday at my place. the kids and friend got into a game of monopoly, we all watched the Jerk (omg what a classic). just talking and laughing...i feel like it has been forever and ever since i have made time for this. and i am glad i did. here's to hoping for more weekends spent having fun.

so now it is Sunday, i have the week ahead. i have to finish a write-up on the literature survey i did on elder abuse. i have to invoice my hours from two weeks ago to my headoffice. i have a few articles read. also i am trying to organize this blog a bit better. i have so many interesting links and such that i follow and post on facebook but have not posted here and want to. i would like to figure that out.

the sun is shining, i need some coffee, and life is looking pretty good...